I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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