i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Small penises have feelings too.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i dont even know how to be here
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Randomize
