3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
