he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
