So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
