but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
