I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
