tell your sister to shave her snatch
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
