Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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