walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize