Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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