Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
