Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
