you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
