I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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