some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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