Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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