shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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