My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My ass is underappreciated
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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