3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Text me some of your sweat
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