There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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