I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize