Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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