hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
