listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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