This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
