Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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