Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
