I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
