He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
