i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
