PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
