Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I lost the right to judge tonight
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
