I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
