I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize