Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
