Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
the liver wants what the liver wants
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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