What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
