Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
