I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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