i just sent this text using only my big toe
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
