never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
