nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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