Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize