You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
