We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
