can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
