I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can you bring me the toilet please
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
