no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
