I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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