I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
