i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
