i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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