I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Found the puke drawer
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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