so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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