he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
