my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
