You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my being single is dangerous.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
