im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
