i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
