We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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