My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize