her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
