You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
