I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
