Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
