you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
