I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
