I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
