I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i drank out of a bidet.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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