Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
